2008 Woodie Awards
With a name like "delivery expert", they deserve to be tipped
Stephen Bargdill
Issue date: 9/30/04 Section: Opinion
- Page 1 of 1
I've been delivering pizzas for over eight years and I have a ton of stories. Just ask; I'll regale you with tales including everything-from people answering the door nude, overflowing toilets, cars running out of gas, avoiding the cops, recovering a stolen car and being tipped in beer. As a 30-plus delivery driver I have absolutely no legitimate complaints about my job. Indeed, I most certainly could be doing something else if I wanted.
However, I don't mean to be ungrateful, but over the years I've realized my customers have no idea how to tip a pizza delivery expert. So I've come up with some general guidelines, that will make everybody's pizza experience all that more pleasant.
1) A dollar is too little. When I began delivering pizzas in the 90s a dollar a run was good money. In today's tough economic times and skyrocketing gasoline prices, $2 is average. So please, stop living in the 90s, and if you want to be nice, a $3 tip is great. Still, there are those kindly old grandmother types that can still get away with tipping a quarter or two.
2) If you order $50 worth of pizza or over, $3 is not enough. Go for the standard 10 percent. At $100 worth of pizza, up it to at least 15 percent. Most pizza delivery experts are out of shape, and those insulated extra large delivery bags are really heavy-at least ten pounds.
3) If you live in a third floor apartment, or perhaps higher, and you don't have an elevator, consider the average $2 tip and add 50 cents for every flight of stairs the delivery expert must climb. The reason your delivery expert is out of shape is because he is a fat smoker and will be wheezing by the time he reaches your third story door.
4) The following items are not acceptable tips: answering the door nude, Canadian coins, beer, two dollar bills, cigarettes, $1 coins, weed, and/or pennies. However, including any one of these items or more with your regular minimum $2 tip will be accepted.
5) Your pizza delivery expert knows you better than you think. Pizza places thrive on repeat business, and thus the delivery expert will get to know your habits: whether you turn the porch light on or not, whether you restrain your snappy little dog or not and most importantly how well and how consistently you tip. Therefore, the better the repeat tip the quicker the delivery expert learns your address and thus the quicker your pizza arrives. Keep in mind those of you who repeatedly stiff though, the delivery expert keeps your address written down.
I hope these few guidelines will assist you the next time you order a pizza. If you have a hard time remembering these guidelines, think about posting them near your phone or on your refrigerator. And the next time you see your local pizza delivery expert chain smoking zooming through traffic and cutting you off give him a wave of thanks for his hard work and effort...just remember to use all five fingers though.
However, I don't mean to be ungrateful, but over the years I've realized my customers have no idea how to tip a pizza delivery expert. So I've come up with some general guidelines, that will make everybody's pizza experience all that more pleasant.
1) A dollar is too little. When I began delivering pizzas in the 90s a dollar a run was good money. In today's tough economic times and skyrocketing gasoline prices, $2 is average. So please, stop living in the 90s, and if you want to be nice, a $3 tip is great. Still, there are those kindly old grandmother types that can still get away with tipping a quarter or two.
2) If you order $50 worth of pizza or over, $3 is not enough. Go for the standard 10 percent. At $100 worth of pizza, up it to at least 15 percent. Most pizza delivery experts are out of shape, and those insulated extra large delivery bags are really heavy-at least ten pounds.
3) If you live in a third floor apartment, or perhaps higher, and you don't have an elevator, consider the average $2 tip and add 50 cents for every flight of stairs the delivery expert must climb. The reason your delivery expert is out of shape is because he is a fat smoker and will be wheezing by the time he reaches your third story door.
4) The following items are not acceptable tips: answering the door nude, Canadian coins, beer, two dollar bills, cigarettes, $1 coins, weed, and/or pennies. However, including any one of these items or more with your regular minimum $2 tip will be accepted.
5) Your pizza delivery expert knows you better than you think. Pizza places thrive on repeat business, and thus the delivery expert will get to know your habits: whether you turn the porch light on or not, whether you restrain your snappy little dog or not and most importantly how well and how consistently you tip. Therefore, the better the repeat tip the quicker the delivery expert learns your address and thus the quicker your pizza arrives. Keep in mind those of you who repeatedly stiff though, the delivery expert keeps your address written down.
I hope these few guidelines will assist you the next time you order a pizza. If you have a hard time remembering these guidelines, think about posting them near your phone or on your refrigerator. And the next time you see your local pizza delivery expert chain smoking zooming through traffic and cutting you off give him a wave of thanks for his hard work and effort...just remember to use all five fingers though.